ConfessWhatever.com

...is proud to introduce a paradigm-shifting innovation that is disrupting and revolutionizing the sin-confession industry!

 

We are America's first... [edit]
We are THE WORLD'S FIRST
*and, as of today ( ), the ONLY*
Non-Denominational, Virtual Confessional Service that can GUARANTEE with 100% CERTAINTY
YOU WILL NOT GO TO HELL!

NOTE: We are a NON-DENOMINATIONAL service. 
It doesn't really matter to us if you believe in... 1 God? A Holy Trinity of 3 Gods? 69 Gods? Jesus? Buddah? Allah? Rihanna? Zeus? Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy? Tom Brady? Ted Danson's character in The Good Place? Morgan Freeman's character in [like every movie, ever!]? Rick Grimes? Superman? Zod? Zeus? Athena? Wonder Woman? Captain Marvel? Captain America? Captain Crunch? or a grilled cheese sandwich that looks like any of the above!

  • We Have 3-WAYS!

[Wait, what?! NO! We didn't mean "3-Ways!"] 

Correction:
We Have 3 WAYS for you to Confess Your Sins!
 

1) CallToConfess.com

APOLOGIES: The CallToConfess.com Phone Number is Temporarily Out of Service. It crashed recently due to a sudden, huge spike in call volume recently - mostly from the Washington D.C. area for some inexplicable reason]

We apologize for the temporary inconvenience. It will be back up soon. In the meantime, please try one of the other methods below: 

 2) ConfessionCard.com:

NOTE: These cards are POSTCARD-SIZE. [If on a mobile phone, turn phone horizontally for larger, easier-to-read image] 


Cards may be purchased at bottom of this page.

Please note, the cards might take a week or so to arrive by mail. So...
A) we suggest buying them in bulk so you have them immediately available every time you sin!
B) In the meantime, especially if you have already committed your sins, we suggest you instead/also use our new INSTANT confessional service below:

3) CONFESS ONLINE INSTANTLY! Type Up Sins: 

IMPORTANT: Unlike more traditional confession options... Confessions via our services are PUBLIC CONFESSIONS - not that private crap that's supposedly confidential - between you and God? a priest? a rabbi? a "porcelain god" toilet?) Your confessions are posted publicly for the world to see (and perhaps shared on social media for the collective genius of the internet to weigh in on!) -- so, PLEASE, do not include real names or other identifying information!

Confessions Displayed via TimelyMessage.com Calendar (below)
TimelyMessage.com's OFFICIAL CALENDAR
(of Minutes, Moments, Memories, Messages, and More!)

If you don't want to confess, we can still help you:


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