Confess Your Sins!

We are the first (and thus far ONLY) "Virtual Confessional" that can provide you with THIS:

It doesn't really matter to us if you believe in...

1 God? A Holy Trinity of 3 Gods? 69 Gods? Jesus? Buddah? Allah? Rihanna? Zeus? Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy? Tom Brady? Ted Danson's character in The Good Place? Morgan Freeman's character in [like every movie, ever!]? Rick Grimes? Superman? Zod? Zeus? Athena? Wonder Woman? Captain Marvel? Captain America? Captain Crunch? or a grilled cheese sandwich that looks like any combination or permutation of the above!

And, whether you believe you're headed to HEAVEN or Havana (Cuba?), HELL or Helsinki (Finland?), everyone can confess with our services (and receive our OFFICIAL "Get Out Of Hell, Free" CARD)... 
[Ya know, JUST IN CASE there actually IS a Hell, and JUST IN CASE you actually DO end up there!]

Better to be safe than sorry burning in the flames of Hell for all of Eternity!

  [Wait, what?! NO! We didn't mean "3-Ways!"] 

Correction: We Have 3 WAYS for you to Confess Your Sins!

[And NONE of the 3 ways to confess will require you to really go anywhere (if you’re tired or hungover after a long night of sinning?)... Heck, you can confess before you even get out of your bed (or the bed of whomever you're about to confess details of your night with!)] 

APOLOGIES: The CallToConfess.com Phone Number is Temporarily Out of Service. It crashed recently due to a sudden, huge spike in call volume recently - mostly from the Washington D.C. area for some inexplicable reason]

We apologize for the temporary inconvenience. In the meantime, please try one of the other methods below: 

NOTE: These cards are POSTCARD-SIZE.
[If on a mobile phone, turn phone horizontally for larger, easier-to-read image] 
Cards may be purchased at bottom of this page.
Please note, the cards might take a week or so to arrive by mail. So...
A) we suggest buying them in bulk so you have them immediately available every time you sin!
B) In the meantime, especially if you have already committed your sins, we suggest you instead/also use our new INSTANT confessional service below:

(Working title/slogan is:
"Confess Online! Instantly Type Up Sins!" It will feel great!) 
We're still working on what to call it, but, regardless, scroll down and try it out below!

IMPORTANT: Unlike more traditional confession options... Confessions via our services are PUBLIC CONFESSIONS - not that private crap that's supposedly confidential - between you and God? a priest? a rabbi? a "porcellan god" toilet?) Your confessions are posted publicly for the world to see (and perhaps shared on social media for the collective genius of the internet to weigh in on!) -- so, PLEASE, do not include real names or other identifying information!

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