Confess Your Sins!
We are America's first...  We are the World's first...  We are the Galaxy's first... 
We are The Universe's FIRST
[and, as of today ( ), ONLY]
Non-Denominational, Virtual Confessional Service that can GUARANTEE - with 100% CERTAINTY:
YOU WILL NOT GO TO HELL!
More details, how we're different, etc.
1. "No Hell" GUARANTEE!
2. We are NON-DENOMINATIONAL...
It doesn't really matter to us if you believe in...
1 God? A Holy Trinity of 3 Gods? 69 Gods? Jesus? Buddah? Allah? Rihanna? Zeus? Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy? Tom Brady? Ted Danson's character in The Good Place? Morgan Freeman's character in [like every movie, ever!]? Rick Grimes? Superman? Zod? Zeus? Athena? Wonder Woman? Captain Marvel? Captain America? Captain Crunch? or a grilled cheese sandwich that looks like any combination or permutation of the above!
And, whether you believe you're headed to Heaven (or Havana, Cuba?) or HELL (or Helsinki, Finland?), everyone can confess with our services (and receive our OFFICIAL "Get Out Of Hell, Free" CARD)...
[Ya know, JUST IN CASE there actually IS a Hell, and JUST IN CASE you actually DO end up there!]
Better to be safe than
sorry burning in the flames of Hell for all of Eternity!
3. We Have 3-WAYS!
Correction: We Have 3 WAYS for you to Confess Your Sins!
[And NONE of the 3 ways to confess will require you to really go anywhere (if you’re tired or hungover after a long night of sinning?)... Heck, you can confess before you even get out of your bed (or the bed of whomever your confession is about to tell us about your night with!)]
We apologize for the temporary inconvenience. In the meantime, please try one of the other methods below:
[If on a mobile phone, turn phone horizontally for larger, easier-to-read image]
Cards may be purchased at bottom of this page.
Please note, the cards might take a week or so to arrive by mail. So...
A) we suggest buying them in bulk so you have them immediately available every time you sin!
B) In the meantime, especially if you have already committed your sins, we suggest you instead/also use our new INSTANT confessional service below:
3c) Online "Time to Confess" Service (below; scroll down)
"Confess Online! Instantly Type Up Sins!" It will feel great!)
We're still working on what to call it, but, regardless, scroll down and try it out below!
CONFESS ONLINE INSTANTLY! Type Up Sins:
Confessions Displayed via TimelyMessage.com Calendar (below)
(of Minutes, Moments, Memories, Messages, and More!)